Hello Disease
by beautifulXOdisaster
Summary: About Mimi's weeks living on the street after dropping out of rehab. Please read and review!FINISHED!
1. Getting Some Smack

A/N: I don't own RENT. That wonderful right belongs to Mr. Larson.

The day of Angel's Funeral was the worst day of my life. Having to say goodbye to her was hard enough, but it was the same day Roger was leaving to be a songwriter in Santa Fe. We weren't together anymore, so what did it even matter? He never loved me. I have always loved him, but I made a stupid mistake. He though I loved Benny more. Can you even imagine living life without your best friend or your true love? Let me tell you its not worth it.

When I walked out of rehab yesterday morning I had no where to go. After Mark found the clinic and Benny paid for it I couldn't go back to them. They would be so disappointed. I know that the people there will call Benny, but I just couldn't face the look he would give me when he realized that I wasn't worth the trouble.

Who was Mimi Marquez anyway? I had been living on my own in alphabet city since I was 16. Three years. I paid for food and smack from the tips I got working at the Cat Scratch Club. That's where I was headed right now. To see if the boss would let me work, I really need some cash. And then after my shift of course I would go and find The Man. Soon enough the virus will take hold. Soon enough there will be no more Mimi Marquez for everyone to worry about.

Since it was winter a lot of the girls at the Cat Scratch had gotten sick, so the boss said I could pick up a few shifts. I went back to the old dressing room to get dressed and to put on some make-up. Both borrowed from a girl I used to know. Soon I went out onstage and danced. I still got lots of tips from some of my old admirers. But it just wasn't the same. I was now just a shell of the girl I had once been. Sadness, disappointment, and emptiness have completely taken over. I also was having horrible withdrawal. One whole month of no smack was taking its toll. I was shaking, sweating, and throwing up all the time. Just one more hit and I would be all better. Completely numb and unaware of my shattered life.

As soon as my shift was over I changed back into my own clothes. And hightailed it out of there back into the park. Walking slowly because I was tired and cold, but to also make sure I didn't miss him. But within 5 minutes I instantly felt better and almost happy because soon enough I would have a little baggie of powder in my back pocket. That little baggie would make me forget everything. Or at least for a while anyways.

So I ran over to him, and handed him my money in exchange for the powder. I could hardly stand it, it was burning a hole through my pocket. The only thing I need to do was see if I could get a syringe from another junkie in the park and I would be all set.

A/N: Thanks for reading! I would love reviews! And I should have the next chapter done shortly! 


	2. Running From Love

A/N: I don't own Rent. That wonderful right belongs to Mr. Larson. And I would like to thank LaVieBoheme1995 for the nice review! All you others should do the same! J

As soon as I injected myself with the horse I knew I had made the right decision. Ahhhh. This is good. This is so good. I can feel the warmth flow through my veins. Rushing through my body up to my brain. I'm deliriously happy, after all this is what I have been wanting for so long. I can't feel anymore of my pain, emotionally or physically! This euphoria is bliss.

It wares off quickly though, and I need another hit. I keep injecting myself until I run out. I instantly feel like I need more. But the urge Is being taken over by nausea and drowsiness. I can barely stay awake now, so I think I will just lay down on a park bench and hope for a semi-peaceful night.

Its to early, probably only like ten in the morning. And yet some loon is out running, and his dog woke me up. When he passes by me he gives me a look of disgust. Like I am the scum of the earth. Which I suppose is somewhat true, but right now I don't care about him, or any other stupid asshole in the world. I only care about getting high.

So I go through the same routine as yesterday. Of course the boss will let me work, I bring in new customers and bring old customers back. So of course I get lots more tips, and of course the man is at the same place he was yesterday. I get my stash, and get it all ready. I get the needle right next to my forearm and all most hesitate for a second. I see all the needle tracks and see Roger's face in my mind, but quickly put that all behind me and inject myself. Totally prepared and excited for the impending high. But tonight I can only handle one hit before falling asleep.

I woke up this afternoon and found that I still have a little of my stash left, so I get high again. Anxious for more I run to the Cat Scratch Club to see if I can work again. I find the boss and ask him. When he sees me he notices glazed look in my eyes and the way I keep twitching, and he realizes how high I really am.

He says "Mimi, I'm sad to see you like this. And I'm also sad to tell you that I can't let you work here anymore. I know what you need money for. I refuse to support your habit. When your not fucked up you are a smart girl, I want to see you turn your life around." I just stared at him with a look of disbelief.

I got a little mad at him after a minute. "Oh really, is that it? You never gave a damn about me before." Now he looked at me in disbelief.

I think now he was getting a little mad. "Okay Mim, a lot of what I just said is true. But ya know what else? Benny came in here last night and asked if I have seen you. So of course I say yes, and then he tells me how you ran out of rehab. Benny tells me that your boyfriend is back and that everyone is going crazy looking for you. He paid me some money in exchange for not letting you work again and he told me next time I saw you to call him and make you wait till he came and got you." Now I'm very mad. He tells me to sit there and not move while he calls Benny.

Well he must be crazy cause there is no way I'm going back with Benny tonight. Even if Roger is back. I'm desperate for another hit.

And I ran out of there as fast as my weak legs could carry me. And I kept running until I found The Man.

A/N: Thanks for reading! I hoped you liked it, and make sure to review! Peace. 


	3. Getting High Again

A/N: I don't own rent. That wonderful right belongs to Mr. Larson.

The Man's face is almost like a comfort to me. Kind of like when your away on a long trip and your driving home and you can see your house in the distance. You know that soon enough you will be happy and comfortable. That's how I feel when I see him. I know he has the junk and soon enough I will be high and without a care in the world.

There's only one problem tonight. I have no money to purchase the goods. Maybe we can work out a deal. I walk up to him, and he has got a giant smile plastered all over his face.

He starts talking. "Does the pretty lady want some feel good medicine?" He asked me in that deep, dry, almost scary voice of his. I bite my lip, start crying and nod. He looks confused like he can't figure out what is happening.

"What's the matter babe? I got everything you'll ever need right here in my coat pocket." He said that with an evil grin on his face. I quickly explained my situation, why I was so upset and why I couldn't buy any tonight. He tells me that he can make a deal with me. He says that if I give him a show, and dance for him like I do for the snooty rich guys at the club, then maybe he can do something for me.

I slowly nod and peel off all my warm layers. And then I danced. I danced differently then how I danced before. This time there was a purpose for it. Something I both wanted and needed was on the line. If I could do just the right moves and just the right facial expressions, I could make this guy hot within five minutes.

When I was done he just nodded at me and handed me a little baggie. That wasn't so bad but it couldn't be this easy. Well obviously it wasn't because he looked me in the eye and opened his mouth like he was about to say something.

"Good Work. But next time baby, you'll have to give me what I really want. I cut you some slack this time because you looked a little desperate. And honey, I want you to keep coming back to me. Now go enjoy your stash." He flashed me another evil grin and walked away.

Thirty seconds later I walked away to. I walked back to my little hidden spot by the park bench to get high. I settled down on a little spot on the ground that wasn't completely covered with snow and got ready to shoot up. Again I hesitated and thought of Roger. This time the thoughts of his angry words and beautiful face were harder to push aside. Almost hard enough to make me want to put my needle down, but not quite.

So I injected myself and enjoyed the numbness of everything until I fell asleep. I woke up one time during the night and noticed I was still on the ground covered in snow. So I climbed up onto the bench and fell back asleep within minutes.

A/N: Sorry that it is kind of short this time. But thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed and look forward to the next chapter. Once again, reviews would be lovely! 


	4. Roger

A/N: I don't own Rent. That wonderful right belongs to Mr. Larson. Please enjoy this next chapter!

I woke up again early in the morning, around nine. Those damn dogs. They never know when to shut up. I was so tired that I could barely stand. But when I tried to go back to sleep I just couldn't, so I sat on the bench to think things over for a while.

Last night The Man had given me a bigger baggie than when I pay with money. I had been careful not to use all of it so that I would have some for today. Even in my miserable state I knew that they way I paid for the smack last night was wrong. And it sort of felt… degrading. Memories came back from years before when I went with Benny from time to time. Do the same things and even more for him. But not for drugs. For other things that I needed. Like a warm coat, new make-up or lingerie for work, a meal. Or maybe even just to feel loved and wanted. Even if just for a night.

That was of course until I found Roger. From the minute I saw him out on his fire escape with his guitar I knew I had to meet him. So when our power was shut off on Christmas Eve last year went and knocked on his and Mark's door. I was half telling the truth and half making up an excuse just to meet him when I told him I needed my candle lit and asked if he would light it for me. That night I walked out feeling hopeful and excited. Maybe this time I would have a real relationship. With someone who wanted to be with me for me and not just the way I look. Of course looks were probably always a part of it anyway. And I had found that. But I ruined it. It lasted only a few months, and they were some of my most happiest months ever. But Roger being an ex-junkie himself defiantly didn't approve of my drug addiction. But the breaking point was when I spent some time with Benny, this time it wasn't even a big deal. Roger found out and got so mad at me. I miss what we had.

I remember my boss from the Cat Scratch telling me what Benny had said about Roger being back. I wanted to see him very badly, and I missed him like nothing else. But like Benny, I couldn't stand to think of his disappointed looks he would give me that would be a guarantee when I saw him. And even if I did go back and got back together with Roger it probably wouldn't last. The way I had been going with the horse the past few days there is no way I could easily forget about it. I would sneak around and steal money from all my friends just to satisfy my selfish needs.

I can't even stand to think of what they all think of me now anyways. Roger, Mark, Collins, Joanne, and Maureen. Who knows if they would even want to be my friends anymore. Who knows if Roger would even want me back.

The rest of the day I shot up and sat on my bench. Again I was so high and so happy. You can't just forget all your pain with anything. You needed something special. Like this junk I was using right now.

All night the only thing I could think about again was Roger. I love him. I love him with all of my heart. If only he could just tell me he loves me. I am pretty sure that he does, but if he could just tell me. I know that an old girlfriend of his, April, killed herself. And that that event has made him tread slowly when it comes to love, but I wish that I was enough. That I was good enough to bring him out of the so called coma he has been living in. I wish that I was enough inspiration for him to right one last song. One last song of glory. I know that to do that is something he wishes for.

The last thing I wish is that it would all end. How much longer can I really have? If I can't have the things that I want, except for the things that just hurt me In the long run, then I just don't see what the point of going on is. I need another hit.

A/N: Thank you for reading! But you guys are sort of slacking on reviews… Make me happy : ) Peace out lovahhhs. 


	5. My Death Wish

A/N: I don't own Rent. That wonderful right belongs to Mr. Larson.

For the next few weeks I stumbled around New York City in my sorry existence. I hadn't been able to find The Man for a while so I haven't been able to get high. Its not like it mattered, since I had no money to pay him with, and wasn't quite up to selling my body again.

The withdrawal I was going through was terrible. Since I had been using smack pretty heavily before I couldn't find The Man this withdrawal was much worse than the one I was going through back in rehab. Plus while I was in rehab I had a counselor I had to see everyday, group therapy meetings, books to read, people to talk to and TV to watch. We were even allowed to smoke cigarettes. That was a luxury I certainly hadn't had the pleasure of tasting in a while. But see in rehab we had other things to concentrate on. More things to think about then getting more drugs and the horrible pain you were going through. Out here by myself I had nothing to think about but how much I missed Roger, how much I wanted to get high again, and how bad I had wasted my life away. Not that I even cared about the latter at this point.

I had the sweats and shakes like never before. I can't fall asleep at night and wonder alone by myself. I throw up all the time. I try to hide so people don't see me, but sometimes I feel the urge to through up and just stop where I'm at and purge. But usually the only thing I could do was sit on a bench and cry. My muscles were hurting very badly, and I always felt as if I would just collapse if I tried to walk around.

As if all this weren't bad enough, the weather had taken a turn for the worse. It had to be below freezing. It snowed all the time and I was so cold. It was all I could do to stop from freezing to death. All I had to wear was some tight blue leather pants, heeled black boots, a black sweater, and an old leopard print jacket Benny had given me a few years ago.

Being out in the cold was never good for a person in my condition. Especially living in it. And what I mean by my condition is AIDS. I contracted it a few years ago from sharing a needle with a girl named Lila. She had worked at the Cat Scratch club with me for a while. She was actually the one who got me hooked on heroin in the first place. For a while we were pretty close. We would go out every night around three in the morning when we got off work to go get high. She is also the one who introduced me to The Man. At first I was scared to try it, but she was a few years older than me and made it sound so fun and cool. No day but today, that's what I live by. So I just said what the hell and did it. A few months after that she said she was walking home after work, but I never saw her again. I don't know where Lila is, or even if she is still alive.

But anyways, living outside in the winter with AIDS is like a death wish. Which just happened to be something I kind of wanted. If I even got the tiniest cold it could turn into a deathly disease. And I figured that was what was wrong with me as well. My throat was sore, I was feverish, and just plain exhausted. I know it could just be withdrawal. But this is something different all together, I can just feel it.

A/N: Please Review. I hope you like it. The next chapter is going to be the last. Lata. 


	6. Im Back Baby

A/N: To LaViBoheme and LaVieBoheme1995- Thank you so much for you kind reviews! Everyone else out there should follow suit! J On a sadder note this is the last chapter in 'Hello Disease'. I will follow with another story soon though! 

I could feel it in me. I could feel the virus taking hold. This is what I was hoping for all along right? A permanent escape from my sorrow. But if this was truly what I wanted then why did knowing it was going to happen make me feel so empty?

Done with thinking for a while I decided to walk around the park. Lately it had been much colder than it usually was this time of year. I knew it was close to Christmas because all around the park were things you would see around this time. Horse drawn carriages giving young couples in love ride through the park, Santa Clauses yelling out "Ho, ho, ho!", and people caroling with their friends and family.

It was when I stopped to listen to a particular group of carolers, their voices ringing together in unison like angels, that I noticed the sign. I was leaning up against a lamp post when a flash of yellow paper caught my eye, so I turned around to read what it said.

**MISSING!  
Mimi Marquez.**

It was followed by a picture of me and some basic information. It was the two lines that caught my breath.

**We Miss Our Friend.  
If You See Her Please Contact Roger Davis.**

I thought that Roger would hate me and I thought that Benny had been behind the flyers. I was so wrong, more wrong that I have ever been in my life to doubt Rogers love for me. I knew why disease felt so empty. Because all along I had what I had true love and a good family. I wasn't ready to go yet. I needed to get to Roger and apologize to him. I need to apologize for every thing I ever did. I felt so stupid at that moment as I looked back on everything over the past couple months. What Mama or Angel say if they could see me now? I'm afraid to find out.

All I can do is sit on the ground and cry. It's getting dark and it's not like I had anywhere to go. No one would wanna see me how I looked right now anyway. I was coughing so much and feeling like my lungs were going to explode. My stomach felt like someone was ripping my insides to shreds. And I didn't even have to look in a mirror to realize how skinny I have gotten. Think about this made me think about the day of Angel's funereal when I went to say goodbye to Roger and heard angry shouts coming from his and Mark's loft.

_"Mimi still loves you.  
Are you really jealous?  
Or afraid that Mimi's weak?"_

_"Mimi did look pale."_

_"Mimi's gotten thin. Mimi's running out of time."_

When I heard these words I knew that what both Mark and Roger had said was true. And I had no doubt in my mind that this was then end. And pretty soon Mimi Marquez will cease to exist. But it just wasn't my time, I still wanted to see Roger. To have him forgive me for everything I've done. To have him hold me and tell that that everything was going to be okay even though it wasn't. I wanted him to tell me he loved me. I was to weak to walk, so I had to just stay there huddled in the park, freezing and in the dark. All of a sudden a voice rang out through the blackness.

"Oh my God. Joanne what is that over there!" Maureen. I tried talking to her but I couldn't get the words out.

"I don't know lets go see." Slowly they walked up to me and looked at my face. I looked up at them pleading with my eyes to help me out.

"Mimi!" they screamed together. They were crying and laughing at the same time. And all because of me.

Finally, I could say one word. "Roger…" They looked at me more closely and saw how horrible and sick I looked, and the just nodded. Joanne picked me up and started walking in the direction of the loft. When we got there I vaguely remember Maureen screaming upstairs for help. When they saw it was me Collins, Mark, and finally Roger ran out to carry me up. There was no room on the couch so they laid me on the table.

After some fussing about heat and food, everyone just decided to let me and Roger have our moment. I brought up enough strength again to say "You're back."

He just smile and said "I'm back baby, I'm back." He held me closer and tighter than he had ever done before. When I laid there with Roger staring down at me, I knew then that whatever happened tonight I would be okay. If I lived that would be great, and if I died, well.. I would get to be with my Angel again. Whatever the outcome I will know that there is people who love me. And that is all I could ever ask for.

A/N: I hoped you enjoyed the story and the ending. Any person reading this on the RENT board should know what comes next, so I don't think I need to get in to that. I would love it if everyone would review and give me their final thoughts on the story.

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